Friday, 31 December 2010

New Year Ramblings....

It’s that lovely reflective time of year, but let’s face it, I reflect every five seconds so this is no more different than usual. I’ve looked over some of my diaries for the last year and a lot has changed and yet some things in my life haven’t budged an inch. Or I feel they haven’t anyway. I just have no idea what’s next for me. I know clearly what I want for the next year and I’m very much looking forward to the things I have planned but today is the day where I make a bet with myself. How brave will I be this new year? In 2010 I did something I haven’t done in a very long time, I opened my heart to someone. He’s held it beautifully and does everything he can to make sure that the love we are creating together is growing and evolving and I’m doing my best to do the same.

In terms of music I have a few ideas up my sleeve this year and I’m looking forward to exploring loads of them but my main focus is simple. Gig more, gig often, and gig further away. I love Swansea and I love playing here but I’m just feeling the need to stretch my wings a little and find some new faces and new places. I’ve banded together with a couple of musicians and we are planning an onslaught of the UK in mid to late February and I have all my fingers crossed that it all goes to plan. I have more music to record, an acoustic piano EP to sort out and a few other side projects to invest some time in but my main focus cant change. Gig more, gig often and gig further away.

I feel in a lot of ways over the last few months I have begun to lose touch with my “inner musician-ness”. That optimism and drive has seemed to dwindle. The passion and desire to create never shifts but my focus has been blurry. I have meditated, read the cards, found my centre and am making a new start. Re heating the fire in my belly. I don’t think I’m quite there yet but I will be very soon. I’ve been journaling my ass off and getting clearer and clearer of the flavour of life I want to experience next. Maybe I get too caught up in the “How will this happen?” side of things instead of looking to find a creative solution. Well, maybe that can be something to explore this new year, I’ll put that on the list ( oh never ending lists ).

I do want to say though, to all of you out there who listen, watch, support and are there at the end of the phone, at the click of a text message or listening to my late night ramblings online, THANK YOU! You’ve helped me a lot, when I’ve questioned and doubted myself, when my confidence needed lifting and especially through every drama riddled artistic trailer door slamming toys out of the pram throwing unashamedly flamboyant hissy fit having moment I’ve had, YOU lot have been there and I’m grateful for that. Really.

Now without too much to say, I want you all to put your glad rags on and make a big bright toast to a new year. Just be sure to have FUN!


Thursday, 16 December 2010

Weekly doodle!

Well here is my weekly doodle! I decided to do Illustration Friday this week although as much as I love doing it I can never seem to find the time to actually paint up my drawings! Never mind though, Christmas is swiftly on my tail and I’m sure I’ll get some down time to catch up on a few paintings. This weeks word was “Phenomenon”, which stumped me a little but I thought maybe some sort of mythical creature would be fun. I actually sat down to draw a dragon but for some reason a mermaid appeared on the page! Ah well I guess she fancied saying hello to the world! I so desperately need an A3 scanner though so I can start getting better quality digital images of my work. My camera is crappy and right at this moment I cannot for the life of me figure out how to transfer photoshop from my old laptop onto my new one, if anyone can help I can bribe you with cookies!

On the tour front it’s just at the waiting game stage. Everything is good to go it’s just waiting for some of the venues to confirm, I have more or less finished the Album design to have it printed and hopefully I’ll shift a few copies. The itunes sales are going ok but I want them to be better. I only have one gig left for this year and it’s at a comedy night in Cardiff (The Promise Bar, 22nd Dec), it’s a venue I haven’t played before but it should go ok, so, as long as there’s a PA I’m there!

I also dragged my bum to the cold beach this week to work on a project that I’d never tried before. Making a small video to go with one of my songs off the album. I went to the place I wrote the song and just took my camcorder and tried to make some interesting shots of the sea while keeping in mind the song. The humming within the song was inspired by me watching the sea and its rhythm so it seemed the most appropriate place to go. Ill put it below so you can have a peek. It’s inspired me to work on some more, i’m just waiting for a creative idea to pop into my head and then I’m all systems go!

As for the writing! Yes I have FINALLY started my new book. I’m not going to hammer at it, just chip away bit by bit until it’s done! It’s not a spiritual book because that kind of writing doesn’t like me right now! So, I’m just allowing the creativity of the characters in the book to flow through my head and I’ll just see where it takes me!
That should be it for this week! Ill try and squeeze in another blog before Xmas!

Ryan xx

Sunday, 12 December 2010

Creativity and lack of sleep....

It’s some silly hour of the morning and to be honest I’m sick of staring at the ceiling wondering why I’m not asleep yet so I thought I’d sneak out of bed and come sit by the fire on this bitterly cold winter night. Yes, sneak out of bed. My boyfriend is officially moved in. unpacked till we cant unpack anymore and well, there’s still more crap to go through! Boxes of stuff! The end result is all worth it though, to watch him sleeping next to me, mumbling at the ceiling and kissing me in his sleep. He’s so adorable.

It’s that time of year again. Not Christmas! Not new year! Virgo Review time (lol). Time to take stock of everything and see what needs mending, and what needs celebrating. It has been a big year, with big life stuff happening. Both my grandmas passed away, I met a man, fell in love and moved in with him, released an album, started planning my first ever UK tour. Lots and lots of things happening and yet a part of me has seemed ill-content unless I have a problem to chew on. The only problem I have in my life right now though is accepting happiness. Stillness within happiness. Living with all this good feeling. I’ve literally not had this before and I’m watching as parts of my character try to mess it up and fail consistently each time. But something has been changing in me that I didn’t expect.

My creativity. I have dedicated the last five years of my life to healing. Healing everything about me. My past, my present, my spirit, my Self. And I’m not stupid enough to say that all the healing is done but I can say, with certainty, that I am long past the worst of it. The self hatred, self doubt and internal criticism have all stopped and my life changed because of it, my creativity has changed because of it. My music has always been an emotional release, a cathartic exorcism and while it still can be and at points still is that, I am getting moments of something else. Expression Absolute. No pain, no hurt, just creativity at its purest nucleic point. An energy that is a close likeness to my spirit. Vibration interpreting itself for the sheer fun of it. There are projects I am entertaining now that I would never have considered before. Projects that before my ego would have totally pooh pooh’d because how dare I do something for the fun of it. But here I am. And here I go.

I’m not quite sure what I have planned for next year. There will be a time for lists and goals, things to manifest and things to bring into being but for the winter, I am just going to throw myself at my writing. I’ve not been inspired much over the last year in terms of getting all these book ideas I have off the ground but lately they have been getting restless in my head. Earlier in the week one book idea starting jumping up and down begging to be born onto paper ( which isn’t something you expect while scrubbing a Bolognese stain at the kitchen sink ) and tomorrow morning I think I shall make a start. I’m also thinking of resurrecting my old video blog. .. ideas ideas ideas... we shall see.
Well that’s all I have to share with you for now!

Much Love!