Not quite sure what Im feeling right now but something is coming to the surface. HUNTING. That’s what has been happening, I know this and it’s not a problem but hunting for what? For that feeling. Locked on again to a notion that I can get it from an outside source. There. That didn’t take long. Hoping that something will come in and fill me with this feeling. Fill me with a sense of love, peace, completeness. Oh my little ego you crafty bugger you.
I am self.
Whole.
Complete.
As is.
But I have been receiving whispers from the ether lately and the word “celebrate” keeps coming into it. But how do you go about celebrating life? I’m not really one to dress in linen and dance around a tree. For me I figured this would entail me to be doing the things that fill you with that sense of life. Doing things that bring you into the space that is you. Music does that for me. Art does that for me. But being my usual obsessive rigid virgo list filled self, Ive managed to turn all my hobbies into possible career avenues. So everything I create now is lined with purpose! Which I know is good from a whole time management perspective but when I did I stop creating for the joy of creating? I need to spend some time getting back to that. What I do is enough whatever that is. A doodle, a painting, half a song. The drive is to create, not complete. Not sell. Not market. Not manage. To Create.
To create.
I am enough.
There's nothing like adding "purpose" to anything to decrease it's value. The value of doing something, of doing anything, is in the doing - not selling, marketing it - not the earning money for it. Money is just paper. We've built a whole useless society on paper, and we wonder why we feel so empty sometimes. I know I'm a consumer, but sometimes I wish I could buy some land and produce my own life.
ReplyDeleteGood post. :)