Today my
wonderous mother in law turned up with a home made cake that I argue
is actually proof that heaven exists and we spent a family day dog
walking down the local Caswell Beach. It's a lovely little beach and
the beautiful rocks and twists and turns are the perfect setting for
dreamy conversations and big thoughts.
I thought
a lot about the ridiculous nature of pressure and the need to be
defined by success. It's been something of an undercurrent in my life
for so long that I am having trouble shaking the remainder of it.
What if I am enough, as I am? What if I can truly value myself as
a success, as I am, right here in this moment? When I think about
the bigger picture I see how insane my mental garbage truly is. Of
course I am already a success! I am in bliss and five years ago I
opened my heart just enough to allow peace. Because of that action I
am incrementally becoming a silent observer as this unrelenting wave
of peace takes over my life. But there are times when I am very human
and I judge myself. I think about what others are doing and play
the dangerous game of stacking their “accomplishments” next to
mine. I am grateful that these moments are now extremely rare in
my life but they do still show themselves. They serve as a reminder
for me that I must reconnect with peace. That I must remind myself
that I am good enough and complete enough and loved enough and whole
enough right here, right in this moment.
On the
beach today surrounded by family and love I became so immersed in the
bigger picture that I could see my small concerns for what they were.
They were fragments of memories of who I used to be. I remembered
that success is the feeling place of life itself and there I was feet
in the water, boyfriend chatting away, dog chasing the ball, I felt
SO loved. How can success be defined as anything else? No amount
of money, cultural approval or external observation could have
improved that moment or created it. It is life and loving and being
loved, that is the nature of success.
Big Love
Ryan
James
x
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