Outlaws and cake!

Today my wonderous mother in law turned up with a home made cake that I argue is actually proof that heaven exists and we spent a family day dog walking down the local Caswell Beach. It's a lovely little beach and the beautiful rocks and twists and turns are the perfect setting for dreamy conversations and big thoughts.

I thought a lot about the ridiculous nature of pressure and the need to be defined by success. It's been something of an undercurrent in my life for so long that I am having trouble shaking the remainder of it. What if I am enough, as I am? What if I can truly value myself as a success, as I am, right here in this moment? When I think about the bigger picture I see how insane my mental garbage truly is. Of course I am already a success! I am in bliss and five years ago I opened my heart just enough to allow peace. Because of that action I am incrementally becoming a silent observer as this unrelenting wave of peace takes over my life. But there are times when I am very human and I judge myself. I think about what others are doing and play the dangerous game of stacking their “accomplishments” next to mine. I am grateful that these moments are now extremely rare in my life but they do still show themselves. They serve as a reminder for me that I must reconnect with peace. That I must remind myself that I am good enough and complete enough and loved enough and whole enough right here, right in this moment.

On the beach today surrounded by family and love I became so immersed in the bigger picture that I could see my small concerns for what they were. They were fragments of memories of who I used to be. I remembered that success is the feeling place of life itself and there I was feet in the water, boyfriend chatting away, dog chasing the ball, I felt SO loved. How can success be defined as anything else? No amount of money, cultural approval or external observation could have improved that moment or created it. It is life and loving and being loved, that is the nature of success.

Big Love

 

Ryan James

x

 

 

Sharing your privilege.

Sharing your privilege.

I love you when I get up in the morning and I love you when I go to bed. I love you whether we are friends or even if we haven't met. I love you for no other reason than to enjoy loving you. I love you even if you hate me or have gone out of your way to hurt me, my love will never be defined or diminished by your pain. I love you even if you have spread rumours about me and thought hateful things about me because I deserve to feel good about you even if you can't feel good about yourself. I love you no matter what and that will never change. Sometimes I might need a little help getting to that space but I will love myself on my journey there and love myself when I am there too.

Love cures you and uplifts you and changes you. Loving people who love you is easy, it's play time for the soul. Loving people who are only able to show you their pain right now is more challenging but it can be done and more importantly you deserve to love them. It is sometimes a privilege they cant give themselves.

I woke this morning thinking of the incredible journey I have been on. My dog woke me up to feed him by hitting me in the face with his nose and the love of my life snoozed dreamily next to me. I woke in a bed inside a house I love, in a city I love, in a job I love and with friends and family I love and I am so grateful to be here. I did spare a small thought for those that couldn't join me where I am and I am glad that I can now look back with an open and honest heart and see only the good memories that we shared. I walked passed my old flat yesterday and thought about the good times I had there, the times I partied and laughed and shared and healed in those four walls will forever be a defining chapter in my life. That time rooted me in who I am and the time I am living in now is allowing it to flourish.

I discovered the power and privilege of unconditional love. I have discovered peace. These are now the undercurrents of everything that takes place in my life. This doesn't mean I don't get angry, sad or confused at times but it does mean I can get back to my centre a lot quicker than I used to. When you learn to love and to practice unconditional love your life will unravel to a state of true authenticity which is something I think everyone has the ability to do. With that in mind, begin.

Big Love

Ryan James

www.psychicswansea.co.uk

www.facebook.com/psychicswansea

Your mask is pain management, nothing more.

 

Which do you choose?

 

We all have, to some degree, an outer mask. We have all at some point in our lives created a “public persona” that we show to the world. We completely internalise our insecurities and wash them over with ideas that we are happier than we really are, more successful than we really are and more popular than we really are. But there comes a point when this mask we have created to protect ourselves becomes a prison of it's own making. I have read so many clients this last year who's “brave face” has been practised so habitually that it's become it's own separate identity. We all know someone who believes in their own lies, but how many are you telling yourself?

 

This mask is a pain management skill. I've done it myself and I know of all the little twists and turns it can take you on. I have pretended to be O.K when I wasn't, I have pretended to be “busy and successful” when I was bored and broke, I have pretended to be peaceful when I was angry and I have stood and told everyone around me that I was fine at the times in my life when the pain in my heart was overwhelming. I learned two things during this time of my life. The first, is that people aren't stupid. It doesn't take much to look beneath someone's mask. A discerning eye can see beyond the words you speak to the words you're actually saying. The mask isn't fooling anyone, not even you, not really. The second thing I learned is that when I put the mask down and spoke about my pain, it was O.K. Nothing exploded and all my limbs remained in tact. It is O.K. To let it all out,find a good friend, get a diary, anything really, just find a space where you can honour your own honesty.

 

Of course your life changes when you speak the truth but it always changes for the better. I learned who my real friends were, who was there for me and gained incredible strength in authenticity.

Your ability to be vulnerable is one of your greatest strengths. A persona designed to protect your wounds only ever eventually creates a place for them to grow. You have a choice in each moment of your life to self promote a false ideal or to speak your truth. Which do you choose?

 

Big Love

 

Ryan James

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!

Swansea looks beautiful today as the first taste of spring hits the sea turning it from its usual silver to a shining blue. I am curled up in my creative space writing away, chatting to the dog and he is fearlessly guarding me from his own reflection in the windows. This morning is all about chocolate! I thought I would do a small Easter hunt for my boyfriend and got a whole bunch of chocolate bunnies and hid them around the house. He loved it and it was cute watching him try and reach the things I had put on the higher shelves! Of course I got caught up in all the excitement and have forgotten where I have put one of the bunnies. So, with summer on it's way we are both going to have to wait until something smells before we find the damn thing! Fingers crossed we come across it before it goes green and fluffy...

Our anniversary went brilliantly yesterday and we just spent the whole day doing exactly what we felt like, which to be honest, wasn't much. We have both built a life that celebrates each other constantly so it's awesome doing things we would normally do on a special occasions. We buy each other presents, and go to see things we want to see and it doesn't matter if its an occasion or not. It was just another awesome day for us.

The tour is all a go and after putting it all up on the website it has become scarily real. I'm keeping myself centred throughout it and making sure I don't fall back onto old obsessive habits. I think that's going to be part of the healing this tour is going to give me. Finally laying to rest old wounds and allowing me a space just to enjoy my music and being creative within it. I think as with all healing curves there will be a lot to learn for me this time around. It's just a matter of learning the logistics of it and keeping myself centred. Weirdly I am not actually nervous about the tour itself, or about audience sizes, or about how it is viewed externally. I am more focussed on keeping myself where I am emotionally and spiritually and there's plenty of time between now and then to do a little work on myself.

With it being Easter I guess it's time for me to follow the magic in the air and give a little re birth to myself. See which parts I want to take forward and which ones to leave behind.

Big Love and Chocolate!

Ryan James