Sharing your privilege.

Sharing your privilege.

I love you when I get up in the morning and I love you when I go to bed. I love you whether we are friends or even if we haven't met. I love you for no other reason than to enjoy loving you. I love you even if you hate me or have gone out of your way to hurt me, my love will never be defined or diminished by your pain. I love you even if you have spread rumours about me and thought hateful things about me because I deserve to feel good about you even if you can't feel good about yourself. I love you no matter what and that will never change. Sometimes I might need a little help getting to that space but I will love myself on my journey there and love myself when I am there too.

Love cures you and uplifts you and changes you. Loving people who love you is easy, it's play time for the soul. Loving people who are only able to show you their pain right now is more challenging but it can be done and more importantly you deserve to love them. It is sometimes a privilege they cant give themselves.

I woke this morning thinking of the incredible journey I have been on. My dog woke me up to feed him by hitting me in the face with his nose and the love of my life snoozed dreamily next to me. I woke in a bed inside a house I love, in a city I love, in a job I love and with friends and family I love and I am so grateful to be here. I did spare a small thought for those that couldn't join me where I am and I am glad that I can now look back with an open and honest heart and see only the good memories that we shared. I walked passed my old flat yesterday and thought about the good times I had there, the times I partied and laughed and shared and healed in those four walls will forever be a defining chapter in my life. That time rooted me in who I am and the time I am living in now is allowing it to flourish.

I discovered the power and privilege of unconditional love. I have discovered peace. These are now the undercurrents of everything that takes place in my life. This doesn't mean I don't get angry, sad or confused at times but it does mean I can get back to my centre a lot quicker than I used to. When you learn to love and to practice unconditional love your life will unravel to a state of true authenticity which is something I think everyone has the ability to do. With that in mind, begin.

Big Love

Ryan James

www.psychicswansea.co.uk

www.facebook.com/psychicswansea

Chewing on a new idea...

Chewing on a new idea.

It is not very often in my life that I have felt truly lost. Don't get me wrong I regularly wander around the workings of my life like most people at some point feeling dazed and confused but I rarely, truly feel lost, especially as much as I have done this past year. Lost is that feeling of a quiet desperation behind a polite smile. Lost is a busy life masking a mind in pain. Lost is filling your time with the goals and dreams of others at the cost of your own heart. All of which I have done at points this year. My mum said that a lot of people “go a little funny” in their early thirties. It might be me dealing with no longer being young or maybe me not being where I thought I would be in my life. I have been forced into a state of perpetual surrender this past few years as I have opened my life to the feeling of true peace. The brighter this peace has become in my life the more glaringly obvious everything that is not of that peace has become.

I have prayed hard, talked to my friends relentlessly and done my best to ride the wave of evolution that has been working it's way through my system. I am generally the kind of person who, when I don't know what to do, I do EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. I work at every idea that crosses my mind and in the panic that has infiltrated my system over this last year it has often lead me to confuse desperate attempts at connection with genuine intuitive hunches. I know in my heart that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly where I want to be. I know in my heart that I am living the life I am meant to and the life that is best for me but I also feel that the old remnants of an ego centred view of my life are preventing me from truly taking a good bite of the joy I have.

Each new level of self love demands a new level of trust in the Universe/God/The angels. I have put my life and my centre in it's hands plenty of times and been taken care of but my ego is effectively deceptive at helping me to forget to trust God. A jehovah's witness knocked my door the other day and began to unravel a picture of God as an absentee parent figure who is about to come back and give us all a slap around the head for being naughty boys and girls. I told him that God was the action of silence and he rests that silence on our heads because he has already put the answers to every question we may ever have in our hearts. We already know, I already know, as much as I may wrestle. The Jehovah's witness looked inspired, confused and began to stutter as he chewed on a new idea of God that challenged what he had been taught. I knew in that moment that I was doing the same. I have been stuttering around a new idea of being and living on the planet for a while now and it's time for me to trust more, love more and take the biggest bite I can!

Big Love

Ryan James

www.psychicswansea.co.uk

 

Your mask is pain management, nothing more.

 

Which do you choose?

 

We all have, to some degree, an outer mask. We have all at some point in our lives created a “public persona” that we show to the world. We completely internalise our insecurities and wash them over with ideas that we are happier than we really are, more successful than we really are and more popular than we really are. But there comes a point when this mask we have created to protect ourselves becomes a prison of it's own making. I have read so many clients this last year who's “brave face” has been practised so habitually that it's become it's own separate identity. We all know someone who believes in their own lies, but how many are you telling yourself?

 

This mask is a pain management skill. I've done it myself and I know of all the little twists and turns it can take you on. I have pretended to be O.K when I wasn't, I have pretended to be “busy and successful” when I was bored and broke, I have pretended to be peaceful when I was angry and I have stood and told everyone around me that I was fine at the times in my life when the pain in my heart was overwhelming. I learned two things during this time of my life. The first, is that people aren't stupid. It doesn't take much to look beneath someone's mask. A discerning eye can see beyond the words you speak to the words you're actually saying. The mask isn't fooling anyone, not even you, not really. The second thing I learned is that when I put the mask down and spoke about my pain, it was O.K. Nothing exploded and all my limbs remained in tact. It is O.K. To let it all out,find a good friend, get a diary, anything really, just find a space where you can honour your own honesty.

 

Of course your life changes when you speak the truth but it always changes for the better. I learned who my real friends were, who was there for me and gained incredible strength in authenticity.

Your ability to be vulnerable is one of your greatest strengths. A persona designed to protect your wounds only ever eventually creates a place for them to grow. You have a choice in each moment of your life to self promote a false ideal or to speak your truth. Which do you choose?

 

Big Love

 

Ryan James

Yup, still hurts.....

 

So, the bruising on my back has started to heal and yes I'm hobbling around the house like something out of a horror movie but thankfully Stupot has a week off so I'm being looked after and being a pharmacist I can have all the meds I want!! If I wanted to spend the week believing Im a flying unicorn I'm sure he could hook me up! Although to be honest I always hate taking pills, I'm not sure if it's because of the chemicals or not but just never been a massive fan!

 

 We were planning on going to Cornwall for a few days because our anniversary is this week ( 3 years!!! what happened there?! ) but seeing as Cornwall is having it's own mini apocolypse I think I'll just drag me and the boy to Bristol to see the aquarium. I'm also dying to go to the natural history museum in London to see giant dinosaur bones but if we can't fit that in this week I shall organise a giant trip. The kind of trip with a mini bus and packed lunches. Ooh, that is so happening, I'll put the feelers out today.

 

I started painting on the 4 x 4 tiny plaques of wood I bought months ago and they actually turned out alright. I've learned it benefits to sand the wood first and I think I'm going to need new pens ( stationary addict ) so today is going to be a good day.

 

Big Love

 

Ryan James

 

 

Catch up!

 

- tired in bed watching the sea....

 

I say this every damn time but I promise you I don't mean to leave big gaps between posts in my personal blog. Things have been a bit crazy here but once I decided it was best to not “Duck and Cover” I started gathering what I needed to not only move forward but to do it peacefully. Basically I'm doing an absolute TONNE of re branding, re designing, of all my creative works into one cohesive space. All of my art, my music, my creative writing, my poems and all the bits and pieces in between are all going in one space. I physically do not have the time to chase around 7 different websites. It's all in the process of being in one place which is good I think but the only trick is to do that and not make it look completely chaotic.

Obviously in the middle of all that I receive the intuitive message that it's time to re brand the spiritual website in order to help my work reach a wider audience and prepare for my upcoming book, which yes, I am writing at the moment ( going good too! ). I am also writing the chapter outlines for the preceding book to that which needs to be done because they kind of coincide with each other. I have also just received the quote for another website I'm having built which I am RIDICULOUSLY excited about but also need a healthy lump sum to get going and in the middle of all this crazyness I decided it would be a good idea to explore going to back to University part time. Put all this with a busy day job, recording an album and keeping up with a social life has left me this morning, as expected, crashed out in bed.

It does sound like a lot on paper and believe me it is a lot in real life too but I have learned from mistakes of the past and I take regular time out to look after myself, walk my dog and spend time with my boyfriend. Doing all of this and doing it peacefully means doing it incrementally too. Piece by piece, day by day I slowly chip away at going through my lists and do my best to stick to my weekly plan ( a little tool I adopted years ago which saves my life constantly ). I always take a day off in the week to veg out, draw and watch ridiculous sci fi, really the worse the better. I don't know what it says about me but I actually started watching LOST recently. It doesn't scare me that I'm watching it but the fact I completely understand it sends cold sweats down my spine...

But I digress...

I'm busy but good busy, happy and loved, I have things to work towards and friends to share it with. Life is good and kind and peaceful and I feel lucky to be in a position where I can create more platforms to share with you.

Biggest Love

Ryan James