How to live through grief.

 

How to live through grief.

We all grieve. We grieve for people that have transitioned to spirit, we grieve for who we were, we grieve for our innocence and we grieve for the living we have had to let go. We are all on some level in a state of grief because we are all on some level surrendering something. Grief is not simply missing someone, it is an acute and extremely tangible pain that demands healing and attention. It is generally not something that can be put on the back burner. The passing of time can help you to learn to live with it but what can we do to actually heal it?

When a dramatic change has entered your life and grief takes over there is one truth that we need to accept. You will never be the same again. You are different now and will be for the rest of your life. It is completely in your hands whether that can instigate a move towards becoming a stronger more loving version of yourself or whether the grief takes over and you cease to move forward. You will not only mourn for whatever has left your life but you will also mourn for the person YOU were during that interaction.

The first step is to make peace with a new version of who you are. This can feel extremely uneasy and in the cases where the grief is centred around a person transitioning to spirit, it can even feel a little disrespectful but it is a necessary step toward healing. If you are grieving a relationship loss then you can take what you have learned and make it onto something with a positive momentum in your life. If you are grieving a person you can take their love and light and allow it to continue it's work on the planet through you and your actions. There is no right and wrong way to handle grief, I have grieved very differently for different stages in my life. Relationship breakdowns, grandparents transitioning, a friend unexpectedly transitioning, friendships dissolving and generally growing and becoming a new person have required me to grieve in different ways at different times. You learn make peace with who you were within that experience and lovingly say goodbye to that old you and then you allow the new you to fill in the gaps. It can and will be challenging but it can be done.

Whatever your grief is please, be easy on yourself. Don't waste time trying to feel normal again, you have a new normal now, and it will serve you best to look for whatever that is for you. If you need to get things off your chest and no one is about then email me. I can't promise I will be able to answer all of you but I can promise that I will do my best and that I will keep you all in my prayers and my heart.

Big Love

Ryan James

www.psychicswansea.co.uk

www.facebook.com/psychicswansea

Chewing on a new idea...

Chewing on a new idea.

It is not very often in my life that I have felt truly lost. Don't get me wrong I regularly wander around the workings of my life like most people at some point feeling dazed and confused but I rarely, truly feel lost, especially as much as I have done this past year. Lost is that feeling of a quiet desperation behind a polite smile. Lost is a busy life masking a mind in pain. Lost is filling your time with the goals and dreams of others at the cost of your own heart. All of which I have done at points this year. My mum said that a lot of people “go a little funny” in their early thirties. It might be me dealing with no longer being young or maybe me not being where I thought I would be in my life. I have been forced into a state of perpetual surrender this past few years as I have opened my life to the feeling of true peace. The brighter this peace has become in my life the more glaringly obvious everything that is not of that peace has become.

I have prayed hard, talked to my friends relentlessly and done my best to ride the wave of evolution that has been working it's way through my system. I am generally the kind of person who, when I don't know what to do, I do EVERYTHING, and I mean everything. I work at every idea that crosses my mind and in the panic that has infiltrated my system over this last year it has often lead me to confuse desperate attempts at connection with genuine intuitive hunches. I know in my heart that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly where I want to be. I know in my heart that I am living the life I am meant to and the life that is best for me but I also feel that the old remnants of an ego centred view of my life are preventing me from truly taking a good bite of the joy I have.

Each new level of self love demands a new level of trust in the Universe/God/The angels. I have put my life and my centre in it's hands plenty of times and been taken care of but my ego is effectively deceptive at helping me to forget to trust God. A jehovah's witness knocked my door the other day and began to unravel a picture of God as an absentee parent figure who is about to come back and give us all a slap around the head for being naughty boys and girls. I told him that God was the action of silence and he rests that silence on our heads because he has already put the answers to every question we may ever have in our hearts. We already know, I already know, as much as I may wrestle. The Jehovah's witness looked inspired, confused and began to stutter as he chewed on a new idea of God that challenged what he had been taught. I knew in that moment that I was doing the same. I have been stuttering around a new idea of being and living on the planet for a while now and it's time for me to trust more, love more and take the biggest bite I can!

Big Love

Ryan James

www.psychicswansea.co.uk

 

Your mask is pain management, nothing more.

 

Which do you choose?

 

We all have, to some degree, an outer mask. We have all at some point in our lives created a “public persona” that we show to the world. We completely internalise our insecurities and wash them over with ideas that we are happier than we really are, more successful than we really are and more popular than we really are. But there comes a point when this mask we have created to protect ourselves becomes a prison of it's own making. I have read so many clients this last year who's “brave face” has been practised so habitually that it's become it's own separate identity. We all know someone who believes in their own lies, but how many are you telling yourself?

 

This mask is a pain management skill. I've done it myself and I know of all the little twists and turns it can take you on. I have pretended to be O.K when I wasn't, I have pretended to be “busy and successful” when I was bored and broke, I have pretended to be peaceful when I was angry and I have stood and told everyone around me that I was fine at the times in my life when the pain in my heart was overwhelming. I learned two things during this time of my life. The first, is that people aren't stupid. It doesn't take much to look beneath someone's mask. A discerning eye can see beyond the words you speak to the words you're actually saying. The mask isn't fooling anyone, not even you, not really. The second thing I learned is that when I put the mask down and spoke about my pain, it was O.K. Nothing exploded and all my limbs remained in tact. It is O.K. To let it all out,find a good friend, get a diary, anything really, just find a space where you can honour your own honesty.

 

Of course your life changes when you speak the truth but it always changes for the better. I learned who my real friends were, who was there for me and gained incredible strength in authenticity.

Your ability to be vulnerable is one of your greatest strengths. A persona designed to protect your wounds only ever eventually creates a place for them to grow. You have a choice in each moment of your life to self promote a false ideal or to speak your truth. Which do you choose?

 

Big Love

 

Ryan James

Happiness in every corner...

Since when did I become so Happy-Phobic? It’s been such a weird journey these last couple of months. I’ve been reading and re-reading, listening to videos, reading blogs, believe me if it’s had a self help title to it I’ve read it and to be fair they all pretty much say the same thing. Be happy. Get Happy. Follow your joy. Find your bliss. There’s a billion and one exercises on how to do it and what will help and when and some of them I’ve used and some of them I haven’t; but all inner workings, all personal development is just that, it’s personal. Only you can perceive the workings of your own mind from the inside out. People offer you perspectives, reflections, opinions but generally you move when your ready, grow when your ready, flow when your ready.

I’ve not been happy for a long time. I haven’t been depressed or down or anything like that but happiness? Not so much. The closest I would get to it is on stage at a gig or writing a new song or playing a song for the first time. These things have been few and far between and yet I’ve not allowed any other gigs or things to take place. I have manifested, created a huge tonne of things to stop me from doing the things that make me happy. Yet right now, happiness is on the cards, finding my joy is here and I’m watching my subconscious using everything it has to keep me in fear. Fear of love, fear of success. Fear of happiness. Parts of me are fighting for survival, but I offer them nothing but love and nothing but transcendence. I finally understand the difference between KNOWING what makes you happy and being an active participant within it.

I’ve watched my life change recently. I’ve learned to just not dwell on the negative and the shifts in my life have been amazing. I’ve met new people, new kindred spirits and gotten some new perspectives on life as a whole. I cant even say I’m moving towards what I want because it’s already here in a way. My polarities are shifting, my emotional scale is rebalancing, I am becoming lighter, free and yes happy. Yet I see myself using every old trick in the book to keep myself involved in that old negative self loathing vibration.

Earlier this evening I caught myself looking into the mirror thinking about how “ugly” I was. Thinking about how “unloved I feel”. It literally only lasted a moment. It almost felt like an old self had crept in for a surprise visit. I actually laughed when I recognised the thought. I could never be ugly, all of existence is contained within our spirits and we are made out of a substance that feels like falling in love and I KNOW that to be true. We may not all feel it, but there it is. My body is different yes, but ugly? Nope, not a chance. I’ve manifested weird emails, strange conversations, strange meetings based around pretty much all the issues of my past that have usually sent me running for home where I draw the curtains and hide away. But not any more. I realise these things are happening because I am changing. Because I am recognising them I see their impermanence. I see my life loving back towards a place I used to love. Back to LIFE. Back to actively participating in joy. Back to Happiness.

Much Love

xx