I can’t really say I’m “back to normal” because what was normal for me was 100 mile an hour mental hysteria! Things have settled though in more ways than one. I have grown a lot and changed a lot, matured a lot and I feel like I’m back in my skin. More than I have been in a long time. It’s weird though isn’t it that you don’t realise how out of whack you get until you either come to a full stop or burn out. I had to experience both to finally put a stop to the internal chatter that was clouding my mind.
My life is peaceful and I mean that deep rooted peace that is born of your spirit. That kind of peace that begins in the soles of your feet and settles in the belly. I have watched over the last six months in particular how that peace seems to be spilling over every area in my life. People, places, situations, all of it is undergoing this personal evolution. I have found this stillness within myself and it’s become integral to me. Anything that is chaotic, inflicting, negative or a weight has been made glaringly obvious and then a way has been shown for it to leave my life. Effortless is the word. My life has become effortless. I love my boyfriend, my dog, my new home, my body, my job, my financial situation and my creative expression. It’s all where it should be and where I want it to be.
I’ve been back at the piano over the last few days and I can feel the stirrings within my belly again for music. It is different this time. I think I found a reverence for it. Quality not quantity. I think I found the place within me that it should always have been coming from. It literally is like someone picked me up, shook off all the drama I had attached to it and then sat me back down at the keys. It’s taking a while to settle in. I’m watching this peace ride through all other areas of my creativity, art, writing, crafting, sculpture, the whole bunch. I know it’s not quite finished yet and I know there are more things for me to understand but I know now, I feel how completely I am on my way.
Surrendering is the best advice I can give anyone. I bought into the “kicking against the pricks “, the “push and then push some more”, the hard working self defacing persona but I realised all that fight is only ultimately with yourself. I have so much I want to share with you, but I have a little more work to do on myself right now so, in the meantime, I just want to say thank you for listening!