wonderous mother in law turned up with a home made cake that I argue
is actually proof that heaven exists and we spent a family day dog
walking down the local Caswell Beach. It's a lovely little beach and
the beautiful rocks and twists and turns are the perfect setting for
dreamy conversations and big thoughts.
a lot about the ridiculous nature of pressure and the need to be
defined by success. It's been something of an undercurrent in my life
for so long that I am having trouble shaking the remainder of it.
What if I am enough, as I am? What if I can truly value myself as
a success, as I am, right here in this moment? When I think about
the bigger picture I see how insane my mental garbage truly is. Of
course I am already a success! I am in bliss and five years ago I
opened my heart just enough to allow peace. Because of that action I
am incrementally becoming a silent observer as this unrelenting wave
of peace takes over my life. But there are times when I am very human
and I judge myself. I think about what others are doing and play
the dangerous game of stacking their “accomplishments” next to
mine. I am grateful that these moments are now extremely rare in
my life but they do still show themselves. They serve as a reminder
for me that I must reconnect with peace. That I must remind myself
that I am good enough and complete enough and loved enough and whole
enough right here, right in this moment.
beach today surrounded by family and love I became so immersed in the
bigger picture that I could see my small concerns for what they were.
They were fragments of memories of who I used to be. I remembered
that success is the feeling place of life itself and there I was feet
in the water, boyfriend chatting away, dog chasing the ball, I felt
SO loved. How can success be defined as anything else? No amount
of money, cultural approval or external observation could have
improved that moment or created it. It is life and loving and being
loved, that is the nature of success.
I love you when I get up
in the morning and I love you when I go to bed. I love you whether we
are friends or even if we haven't met. I love you for no other reason
than to enjoy loving you. I love you even if you hate me or have
gone out of your way to hurt me, my love will never be defined or
diminished by your pain. I love you even if you have spread
rumours about me and thought hateful things about me because I
deserve to feel good about you even if you can't feel good about
yourself. I love you no matter what and that will never change.
Sometimes I might need a little help getting to that space but I will
love myself on my journey there and love myself when I am there too.
Love cures you and uplifts
you and changes you. Loving people who love you is easy, it's play
time for the soul. Loving people who are only able to show you their
pain right now is more challenging but it can be done and more
importantly you deserve to love them. It is sometimes a privilege
they cant give themselves.
I woke this morning
thinking of the incredible journey I have been on. My dog woke me up
to feed him by hitting me in the face with his nose and the love of
my life snoozed dreamily next to me. I woke in a bed inside a house I
love, in a city I love, in a job I love and with friends and family I
love and I am so grateful to be here. I did spare a small thought for
those that couldn't join me where I am and I am glad that I can now
look back with an open and honest heart and see only the good
memories that we shared. I walked passed my old flat yesterday and
thought about the good times I had there, the times I partied and
laughed and shared and healed in those four walls will forever be a
defining chapter in my life. That time rooted me in who I am and
the time I am living in now is allowing it to flourish.
discovered the power and privilege of unconditional love. I have
discovered peace. These are now the undercurrents of everything that
takes place in my life. This doesn't mean I don't get angry, sad or
confused at times but it does mean I can get back to my centre a lot
quicker than I used to. When you learn to love and to practice
unconditional love your life will unravel to a state of true
authenticity which is something I think everyone has the ability to
do. With that in mind, begin.
We all grieve. We grieve
for people that have transitioned to spirit, we grieve for who we
were, we grieve for our innocence and we grieve for the living we
have had to let go. We are all on some level in a state of grief
because we are all on some level surrendering something. Grief is
not simply missing someone, it is an acute and extremely tangible
pain that demands healing and attention. It is generally not
something that can be put on the back burner. The passing of time can
help you to learn to live with it but what can we do to actually heal
When a dramatic change has
entered your life and grief takes over there is one truth that we
need to accept. You will never be the same again. You are different
now and will be for the rest of your life. It is completely in
your hands whether that can instigate a move towards becoming a
stronger more loving version of yourself or whether the grief takes
over and you cease to move forward. You will not only mourn for
whatever has left your life but you will also mourn for the person
YOU were during that interaction.
The first step is to
make peace with a new version of who you are. This can feel
extremely uneasy and in the cases where the grief is centred around a
person transitioning to spirit, it can even feel a little
disrespectful but it is a necessary step toward healing. If you are
grieving a relationship loss then you can take what you have learned
and make it onto something with a positive momentum in your life. If
you are grieving a person you can take their love and light and allow
it to continue it's work on the planet through you and your actions.
There is no right and wrong way to handle grief, I have grieved
very differently for different stages in my life. Relationship
breakdowns, grandparents transitioning, a friend unexpectedly
transitioning, friendships dissolving and generally growing and
becoming a new person have required me to grieve in different ways at
different times. You learn make peace with who you were within that
experience and lovingly say goodbye to that old you and then you
allow the new you to fill in the gaps. It can and will be challenging
but it can be done.
Whatever your grief is
please, be easy on yourself. Don't waste time trying to feel
normal again, you have a new normal now, and it will serve you best
to look for whatever that is for you. If you need to get things
off your chest and no one is about then email me. I can't promise I
will be able to answer all of you but I can promise that I will do my
best and that I will keep you all in my prayers and my heart.