Thursday, 12 November 2009

Lost is not the right word.

It's such a strange thing when the past turns up, right there, in bed with you. I've felt lost before, felt terrified before but never this pull. This weird feeling that I'm re living where I've been. Re learning what I've learned and feeling AGAIN the things I'd tucked away safely. UNRAVELLING. All over the place. Very ungracefully.

Hurt has been a living thing. A way to survive when I thought I wouldn't. But there's no place for that in my life now, I'm centered, still, listening to myself. Yet here I am with a former self. Sitting side by side. He is as much of me as I have ever been. He is as hurt as I was. As confused as i was. As scared as I was. Perhaps this meeting between us was to show us both that MOVING ON IS INEVITABLE. Change is one of the constants within life and sometimes I've welcomed it and sometimes it's had to wrestle me to the ground but it has won either way. This has changed me. Last night before I went to sleep I knew the next day would bring a goodbye, I love my midnight conversations with the nightlight. I listened to the trees outside and heard the world change. Heard MY world change.

Each day I feel myself picking up where I left off. Putting the pieces of my heart back in the places they should be. HEALING.

IT is in me to LOVE.

I can LOVE. Unconditionally...Blissfully...Again.


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