Sunday, 12 December 2010
Creativity and lack of sleep....
It’s some silly hour of the morning and to be honest I’m sick of staring at the ceiling wondering why I’m not asleep yet so I thought I’d sneak out of bed and come sit by the fire on this bitterly cold winter night. Yes, sneak out of bed. My boyfriend is officially moved in. We.ve unpacked till we cant unpack anymore and well, there’s still more crap to go through! Boxes of stuff! The end result is all worth it though, to watch him sleeping next to me, mumbling at the ceiling and kissing me in his sleep. He’s so adorable.
It’s that time of year again. Not Christmas! Not new year! Virgo Review time (lol). Time to take stock of everything and see what needs mending, and what needs celebrating. It has been a big year, with big life stuff happening. Both my grandmas passed away, I met a man, fell in love and moved in with him, released an album, started planning my first ever UK tour. Lots and lots of things happening and yet a part of me has seemed ill-content unless I have a problem to chew on. The only problem I have in my life right now though is accepting happiness. Stillness within happiness. Living with all this good feeling. I’ve literally not had this before and I’m watching as parts of my character try to mess it up and fail consistently each time. But something has been changing in me that I didn’t expect.
My creativity. I have dedicated the last five years of my life to healing. Healing everything about me. My past, my present, my spirit, my Self. And I’m not stupid enough to say that all the healing is done but I can say, with certainty, that I am long past the worst of it. The self hatred, self doubt and internal criticism have all stopped and my life changed because of it, my creativity has changed because of it. My music has always been an emotional release, a cathartic exorcism and while it still can be and at points still is that, I am getting moments of something else. Expression Absolute. No pain, no hurt, just creativity at its purest nucleic point. An energy that is a close likeness to my spirit. Vibration interpreting itself for the sheer fun of it. There are projects I am entertaining now that I would never have considered before. Projects that before my ego would have totally pooh pooh’d because how dare I do something for the fun of it. But here I am. And here I go.
I’m not quite sure what I have planned for next year. There will be a time for lists and goals, things to manifest and things to bring into being but for the winter, I am just going to throw myself at my writing. I’ve not been inspired much over the last year in terms of getting all these book ideas I have off the ground but lately they have been getting restless in my head. Earlier in the week one book idea starting jumping up and down begging to be born onto paper ( which isn’t something you expect while scrubbing a Bolognese stain at the kitchen sink ) and tomorrow morning I think I shall make a start. I’m also thinking of resurrecting my old video blog. .. ideas ideas ideas... we shall see.
Well that’s all I have to share with you for now!
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